The year isn’t even over yet, but I’m so overwhelmed by everything that has happened, that I feel like I need to share in written form, what I never seem to be brave enough to express verbally.
I
have been through quite a lot this year, experiences that have more or less
shaped who I have become these past 11 months. I owe all I’ve learnt,
experienced and overcome to 2013.
·
I Lost.
My Aunt, Thabo Joylene
Zulu. One of the most important people
in my life. She was young, beautiful, intelligent and loving. Everyone who knew
her fell in love with her personality. I’m grateful I got the chance to meet
her. God needed an angel back, I’m glad I got to experience her.
She passed so suddenly,
I’m still tryna get into terms with losing her. And the day before she passed,
I was supposed to go visit her in hospital with my mom. When mom and I had an
argument that afternoon, I decided not to go anymore. This decision still
haunts me.
So this is an open letter
to uMamNcane wam’; Ngyaxolisa. I’m sorry I always seem to let my stupid pride
get in the way of my relationships with the people I love and care about. I’m
sorry I let my emotions get the better of me. I’m sorry I let myself miss out
on happiness cause of petty things. I’m sorry I never got to say my goodbye. I
miss you. Every day!
·
I Loved.
This year, I let myself
fall. Hard. Head over hills. For someone other than myself.
That was quite a surreal
time in my life.
At 1st, I
fought with all my might. I tried so hard to NOT fall for him. I convinced
myself I wasn’t in love with him long enough, until I realize how much I cared
about him and how much I wanted him to be mine. Then, it all began…
I spent so much time and
energy in the relationship; I think I even lost sight of who I was. I stopped
doing most things I used to do on my own and made everything a-together-thing.
I lived on his schedule. Overall, things didn’t end up well. We both didn't go about it the right way. Commitments
built on lies never seem to last.
So this is an open letter
to my ex; Ngyabonga, M’. I never knew I could love that hard. I’m still
discovering I can love more, actually. But you helped me grow and realize how
powerful my heart is. I’m glad I went through that.
And this isn’t some petty
way of trying to get your attention; this is my way of moving on.
Because, “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you.
You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ― Bob Marley
·
I Gained.
“Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.” ― Sarah
Dessen
You know those people you
meet randomly that end up being some of the most important people in your life?
Thanks to these people, I feel like I have a place on this earth:
Penda, Oyena, Mpilo,Nqobile. You crazy bitches own my heart hey. I pray to
God I never have to spend an entire day without you in my life. I’m thankful
for the friendship we’ve maintained. You’ve talked me off the ledge too many
times. I support I’ve gotten from you people is absolutely miraculous. I owe
you guys my life.
I won’t forget the people
who have contributed into my journey this year too; MB, Yonela, Raeesa, Leafer,
Singatha, Micki, Chardy, Kiara, Tamera, Stha , just to name a few... J
I appreciate your presence
in my life.
I love you more than I could ever express.
To my sisters, Yolanda and Mandisa.. I got you. Always.
To my brother Lwazi and my sister inlaw, Lindo. You guys are amazing.
We are all so proud of you. We thank you for bringing ‘Princess Indie’ into our lives J
And to my parents, please bear with me.
·
I Became
Lastly, 2013, thank you
for shaping me into the woman I am yet to become more of. Finding out I had
manic bipolar was probably one of the hardest situations I had to grasp.
Getting myself off my pills was one of the dumbest, smartest things I’ve ever
done.
The experiences and lessons
that came with this year.. Damn. It’s been overwhelming. My faith in God’s
plans for me, however, has gotten stronger. I believe I was meant to go through
everything I have, and am yet to go through.
So I plan on living every
moment as if it were my last. I plan on expressing every emotion I feel is
appropriate. And I plan on making every experience a lesson, a step to
bettering myself.
This is an open letter to
myself; stop letting things get in your way. Be your own happiness but
appreciate those who have the power to make you smile. Laugh hard. Live humbly.
Love wholeheartedly.
And with that I say; 2014.. Come at me bro'
