Open Letter to 2013

The year isn’t even over yet, but I’m so overwhelmed by everything that has happened, that I feel like I need to share in written form, what I never seem to be brave enough to express verbally.

I have been through quite a lot this year, experiences that have more or less shaped who I have become these past 11 months. I owe all I’ve learnt, experienced and overcome to 2013.

·         I Lost.

My Aunt, Thabo Joylene Zulu.  One of the most important people in my life. She was young, beautiful, intelligent and loving. Everyone who knew her fell in love with her personality. I’m grateful I got the chance to meet her. God needed an angel back, I’m glad I got to experience her.

She passed so suddenly, I’m still tryna get into terms with losing her. And the day before she passed, I was supposed to go visit her in hospital with my mom. When mom and I had an argument that afternoon, I decided not to go anymore. This decision still haunts me.

 

So this is an open letter to uMamNcane wam’; Ngyaxolisa. I’m sorry I always seem to let my stupid pride get in the way of my relationships with the people I love and care about. I’m sorry I let my emotions get the better of me. I’m sorry I let myself miss out on happiness cause of petty things. I’m sorry I never got to say my goodbye. I miss you. Every day!

 

·         I Loved.

This year, I let myself fall.  Hard.  Head over hills.  For someone other than myself.

             That was quite a surreal time in my life.

At 1^st, I fought with all my might. I tried so hard to NOT fall for him. I convinced myself I wasn’t in love with him long enough, until I realize how much I cared about him and how much I wanted him to be mine.  Then, it all began…

I spent so much time and energy in the relationship; I think I even lost sight of who I was. I stopped doing most things I used to do on my own and made everything a-together-thing.

I lived on his schedule.  Overall, things didn’t end up well. We both didn't go about it the right way. Commitments built on lies never seem to last.

So this is an open letter to my ex;  Ngyabonga, M’.  I never knew I could love that hard. I’m still discovering I can love more, actually. But you helped me grow and realize how powerful my heart is. I’m glad I went through that.

And this isn’t some petty way of trying to get your attention; this is my way of moving on.

Because, “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”   ― Bob Marley

 

·         I Gained.

“Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.” ― Sarah Dessen

You know those people you meet randomly that end up being some of the most important people in your life? Thanks to these people, I feel like I have a place on this earth:

Penda, Oyena, Mpilo,Nqobile.  You crazy bitches own my heart hey. I pray to God I never have to spend an entire day without you in my life. I’m thankful for the friendship we’ve maintained. You’ve talked me off the ledge too many times. I support I’ve gotten from you people is absolutely miraculous. I owe you guys my life.

I won’t forget the people who have contributed into my journey this year too; MB, Yonela, Raeesa, Leafer, Singatha, Micki, Chardy, Kiara, Tamera, Stha , just to name a few... J

I appreciate your presence in my life.

 

              So this is an open letter to my family and my friends.
              I love you more than I could ever express.
            To my sisters, Yolanda and Mandisa.. I got you.  Always.
            To my brother Lwazi and my sister inlaw, Lindo. You guys are amazing.
             We are all so proud of you. We thank you for bringing ‘Princess Indie’ into our lives J
            And to my parents, please bear with me.

 

·         I Became

Lastly, 2013, thank you for shaping me into the woman I am yet to become more of. Finding out I had manic bipolar was probably one of the hardest situations I had to grasp. Getting myself off my pills was one of the dumbest, smartest things I’ve ever done.

 

The experiences and lessons that came with this year.. Damn. It’s been overwhelming. My faith in God’s plans for me, however, has gotten stronger. I believe I was meant to go through everything I have, and am yet to go through.

So I plan on living every moment as if it were my last. I plan on expressing every emotion I feel is appropriate. And I plan on making every experience a lesson, a step to bettering myself.

 

This is an open letter to myself; stop letting things get in your way. Be your own happiness but appreciate those who have the power to make you smile. Laugh hard. Live humbly. Love wholeheartedly.

 

Be Great.
And with that I say; 2014.. Come at me bro'