Weight gain..

This is a very heavy topic for me (excuse the pun)..

My weight fluctuates so much, you'd swear my body was bipolar!

At the moment I am a size 32 (tight fit), but I'm a 34 nonethelss. Most people would think it's a good size to be at, but I was a size 28 about 2 years ago. Too thin?? LOL. Oh well. Who are you to judge?
Then, of course, puberty hit hard and ((BOOM!)), I grew an ass, thighs and boobs. Perfectly normal, right?Except, people weren't used to this curvier and womanly new Sikoh. That's when niggah's started noticing, and b*tches started hating....

Thing is, I'm an hour-glass shape. My waist is smaller than my hips, thighs and ass, plus I'm a D-cup. And again, thats perfectly fine..Right?

But, no. I've been made a victim of my on body. Girls and past ''friends'' talk about and judge me so much, I've started to hate my own body. To hate my own curves....Sad, aint it?

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Have you ever felt like stabbing yourself with a knife after every meal?  Like you're getting bigger with every bite you eat?  Like everyone wants to puke every time you're in shorts??
Well, I have... I do.

But think about this: Are the girls who tell you how fat you are either prettier, dress better, are smarter or as loved as much as you are? I've figured, the people who talk so badly about you and belittle you as much as possible are the ones who are intimidated by you or your life in some way..

Not to brag, but I know for a fact I am not bad looking, so girls try by all means to break me and my self esteem down to make themselves feel better. I find it so sad. What happened to intergrity, compassion and general love for our fellow sisters? Why do we try so hard to be on top that we crumble others in the process? Life hey....

And the most annoying thing ever, is that even though I know I'm not this ugly, fat beast, all the negative things said to me get me down and insecure because, well, I'm human. And the mere thought of being unattractive frightens me.

Dont get ne wrong, I'm a very confident person but sometimes, my insecurities get more better of me and well, I break down and start comparing myself to models and actresses. And that, ladies, is the first wrong step we all take.

What causes such insecuties though?
-A society so utterly blinded by the media and what their idea is of ''a perfect woman'', they fail to appreciate a real woman.
Not everyone is a size 2. Some of us are just naturally curvy and thick.

Not everyone can survive on seeds and muesli. Some of us enjoy a juicy piece of steak, a cheesy burger or the thickest slice of pizza and a large chocolate milkshake.

My point is, we are all so different yet extremely beautiful in our very own unique way.
You don't have to be a size 2 to be fabulous.

My advice to you? 

Rock the cutest pair of heels you own, put a bit of eyeliner on, grab a purse and GO OUT!

Have fun! Eat as much as you want, then, go up to that mean b*tch and shove a pretzel down her throat!

(Ok, maybe that is a bit absurd. Evevn though I know we're all dying to do it, Lets NOT. Thats what I'm telling you to do though. I've never been quite ''normal'' so, I'm sure I'm bound to try it one day.)

But on the real, no one can love you more than you can love yourself. So instead go to gym, eat healthier, but NOT for cause that mean b*tch thinks you should. But cause you love you. And you want to live a long, healthy, stylish life :).. (you should certainly enjoy a King Steer burger at least once a week though!).

And most of all, dont't forget to rock a sexy outfit every once in a while.

You're never too big to look hot!

Lastly, be confident and be yourself!

       *You're a woman. You are not photoshopped. You are eral. You are beauitul and You are loved*

- I hope some one out there takes my advice and finds light in my words because I know. its hard.

  I'm yet to learn to listen to my own advice and see mself through the eyes of the people who love me....

Lots of love,
Sikoh**