Open Letter to 2013

The year isn’t even over yet, but I’m so overwhelmed by everything that has happened, that I feel like I need to share in written form, what I never seem to be brave enough to express verbally.

I have been through quite a lot this year, experiences that have more or less shaped who I have become these past 11 months. I owe all I’ve learnt, experienced and overcome to 2013.

·         I Lost.

My Aunt, Thabo Joylene Zulu.  One of the most important people in my life. She was young, beautiful, intelligent and loving. Everyone who knew her fell in love with her personality. I’m grateful I got the chance to meet her. God needed an angel back, I’m glad I got to experience her.

She passed so suddenly, I’m still tryna get into terms with losing her. And the day before she passed, I was supposed to go visit her in hospital with my mom. When mom and I had an argument that afternoon, I decided not to go anymore. This decision still haunts me.

 

So this is an open letter to uMamNcane wam’; Ngyaxolisa. I’m sorry I always seem to let my stupid pride get in the way of my relationships with the people I love and care about. I’m sorry I let my emotions get the better of me. I’m sorry I let myself miss out on happiness cause of petty things. I’m sorry I never got to say my goodbye. I miss you. Every day!

 

·         I Loved.

This year, I let myself fall.  Hard.  Head over hills.  For someone other than myself.

             That was quite a surreal time in my life.

At 1^st, I fought with all my might. I tried so hard to NOT fall for him. I convinced myself I wasn’t in love with him long enough, until I realize how much I cared about him and how much I wanted him to be mine.  Then, it all began…

I spent so much time and energy in the relationship; I think I even lost sight of who I was. I stopped doing most things I used to do on my own and made everything a-together-thing.

I lived on his schedule.  Overall, things didn’t end up well. We both didn't go about it the right way. Commitments built on lies never seem to last.

So this is an open letter to my ex;  Ngyabonga, M’.  I never knew I could love that hard. I’m still discovering I can love more, actually. But you helped me grow and realize how powerful my heart is. I’m glad I went through that.

And this isn’t some petty way of trying to get your attention; this is my way of moving on.

Because, “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”   ― Bob Marley

 

·         I Gained.

“Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.” ― Sarah Dessen

You know those people you meet randomly that end up being some of the most important people in your life? Thanks to these people, I feel like I have a place on this earth:

Penda, Oyena, Mpilo,Nqobile.  You crazy bitches own my heart hey. I pray to God I never have to spend an entire day without you in my life. I’m thankful for the friendship we’ve maintained. You’ve talked me off the ledge too many times. I support I’ve gotten from you people is absolutely miraculous. I owe you guys my life.

I won’t forget the people who have contributed into my journey this year too; MB, Yonela, Raeesa, Leafer, Singatha, Micki, Chardy, Kiara, Tamera, Stha , just to name a few... J

I appreciate your presence in my life.

 

              So this is an open letter to my family and my friends.
              I love you more than I could ever express.
            To my sisters, Yolanda and Mandisa.. I got you.  Always.
            To my brother Lwazi and my sister inlaw, Lindo. You guys are amazing.
             We are all so proud of you. We thank you for bringing ‘Princess Indie’ into our lives J
            And to my parents, please bear with me.

 

·         I Became

Lastly, 2013, thank you for shaping me into the woman I am yet to become more of. Finding out I had manic bipolar was probably one of the hardest situations I had to grasp. Getting myself off my pills was one of the dumbest, smartest things I’ve ever done.

 

The experiences and lessons that came with this year.. Damn. It’s been overwhelming. My faith in God’s plans for me, however, has gotten stronger. I believe I was meant to go through everything I have, and am yet to go through.

So I plan on living every moment as if it were my last. I plan on expressing every emotion I feel is appropriate. And I plan on making every experience a lesson, a step to bettering myself.

 

This is an open letter to myself; stop letting things get in your way. Be your own happiness but appreciate those who have the power to make you smile. Laugh hard. Live humbly. Love wholeheartedly.

 

Be Great.
And with that I say; 2014.. Come at me bro'

To Be.. Or Not To Be - My Age...

 

 

I am a certain age.
A certain age not everyone knows..
An age so many would be shocked to know..
My age does not define me, though. It may define how some people treat me, but I certainly am not my age.

You see, most of the people I am associated with are way older than I am. In fact, the treat me like I am the same age as them. So imagine, I fit in with these older people (Yay moment!)..
Its not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, a bit of bad comes out of it, a ton of good though. I've learnt quuuite a lot of things about life, thats for sure..

I'm certain I'm very mature for my age.. I swear, sometimes I watch how people my age act and I'm like, "WTF AM I DOING HERE?!" They're not normal.. Or I'M not normal.. I dunno.. It's just not normal!

I think I grew up too fast. I've experienced and have done stuff people 3 or more years older than me haven't even come to terms with. Not all bad things, though.. but still, it's weird.. But funny.. I actually enjoy my life.

That's how my ''other life'' came about.. I'll share :
One day, I was out with friends. An older guy approached me and asked how old I was, I blurted out, "17".. (I was only 15)......
Well. as we started talking, he laughed and told me I certainly didn't speak like a 17 year old. But look, it's not like I said anything sexual, I just spoke sense..

That's when I realized I'm more myself around older people. This is weird huh? But look, people my age don't quite understand me. They're still stuck in this boy-craze teenage phase. I'm so past that.
Then, from then on, I always told people I was 18. As the years went past, the age I'd created for myself  increased..
Right now, I'm supposed to be 19.. Or 20.. I can't keep up with this thing anymore..
All I know is, I wake up at 5am for high school every morning, and come back home to wash my school shirt every afternoon.

So I guess I've just exposed myself to a lot of people who've had no idea. The people I'm closest to know, and they'll find this hilarious.. As I.

But why now? Why tell people my real age after I've created such an image for myself already?
It's because I am content with where I am as a person right now. I've learnt enough to accept the fact that I'm young, and grown at the same damn time!
I'm tired of having to tell people I'm going to work; only to enter the Northlands Girls' High School gates in the morning.. I'm tired of havimg to come up with petty excuses when I'm invited to events on a school night.. And, well, I also wanna be able to put up statuses about how Maths core fucked my brain over some days.

Now, only one question remains.. To Be, or Not To Be My Age?
I think its a bit too late to "act" my age, but I can still certainly be it. I can be 17 and content. I ca be 17 and still have fun. I can still be 17 and chill with my older friends.
So right now, from this day on, I choose to be honest and just accept the reality that I actually cannot fast forward time...

Well, that's me. Lumkokazi Amanda Sikoh Makhasi - Born in '96, andvanced at the age of 15.
Accept me. Or not. I actually will remain me...
I'm so chilled right now,bro.

P.S - I apologize to anyone I misled.. but if you're one of those who just assumed, well... Sorry!
But I guess I just proved the whole age theory.. We are how old we chose to be. Life has a way of curving one's mentality....

xx
Sikoh Cocoa

                                       Air Jordan's

*One Shoe. Three Flights

Air Jordans aka Jordans, are a brand of shoes and athletic apparel designed and produced by Nike for the now-retired, King of Ball, Michael Jordan, who has been the face of the brand since its inception.  Air Jordans were first released in 1985 (Jordan himself first wore them as a rookie in 1984), with new designs released annually.The Air Jordan 2012 is the most recent design on the sneaker market and has been promoted with the tagline: "One Shoe. Three Flights."

These shoes have become a statement of swag, power and ballers. They come in different sizes with many different designs that both men and ladies can easily rock.

 

 

You dont have to be a tomboy for this one ladies. Imagine rocking a short,tight dress with a neat cut blazer and a clutch, paired up with a pair of J's.... Sexy as f*ck!

The History of The Jordans.. (Jordan I - 2012)

What's IN this season?

1. High waisteds

These are awesome for any shape. They make your bum look firm and big (black girls love this) and they are good for a bit of height. Pairing them with a vest just makes you look slimmer and taller.
High weisted jeans + a vest + a bright colored high heeled shoe and a bright clutch = An amazing outfit!

2. Maxi skirts

Great for height and makes you look slim. Pairing it with a tucked-in top can make a great look.
Awesome for the elegent and ladylike look.

 

3. Short shorts

Makes the epitome of an outfit! Kindly shave your legs before you rock this look!

Wearing it with a cute blazer could turn this from a beach look to a great daytime outfit.

4. Denim on denim

The trick is to never wear the same shades of denim! We're not tryna look like a contruction worker.

Different shades + cute accessories and a brightly colored heel to step out of the boyish look.

5. Hair Bows + Bow ties

Not much to say on this. It just looks awesome!

The bowtie is a classic male look bt ladies are able to make it toatally feminne and sexy. Just make sure to wear it with a soft sexy blouse.

The hair bow is too cute! And can absolutely elevate a hairdo.

6. Ethinic fabrics

Such a beautiful incorporation! Wearing it with a solid color pops out the other colorful piece.

7. Bangles

Makes any outfit look cute! But over exaggerating the sizes and color scheme could totally put the trend off.
 Its best to just stick to a certain type with different enhancing colors.

8. Big bags

Can turn a simple look to a very chic one. It can make other pieces of clothing pop out and elevates the look. Whether a formal or a casual look. The big bag does!

9. Loose buns

A totally cute look! Makes you look very casual but classy. The tip is to tie your hair into a loose bun without combing it but simply brushing through it with your fingers.

10. African influences

One of my favorite trends!!
African style has always been bold and proud. Rocking such a look will make you look confident and totally fashion-forward. Its a great way to enhance a dull look.

XOXO

Sikoh*

Weight gain..

This is a very heavy topic for me (excuse the pun)..

My weight fluctuates so much, you'd swear my body was bipolar!

At the moment I am a size 32 (tight fit), but I'm a 34 nonethelss. Most people would think it's a good size to be at, but I was a size 28 about 2 years ago. Too thin?? LOL. Oh well. Who are you to judge?
Then, of course, puberty hit hard and ((BOOM!)), I grew an ass, thighs and boobs. Perfectly normal, right?Except, people weren't used to this curvier and womanly new Sikoh. That's when niggah's started noticing, and b*tches started hating....

Thing is, I'm an hour-glass shape. My waist is smaller than my hips, thighs and ass, plus I'm a D-cup. And again, thats perfectly fine..Right?

But, no. I've been made a victim of my on body. Girls and past ''friends'' talk about and judge me so much, I've started to hate my own body. To hate my own curves....Sad, aint it?

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Have you ever felt like stabbing yourself with a knife after every meal?  Like you're getting bigger with every bite you eat?  Like everyone wants to puke every time you're in shorts??
Well, I have... I do.

But think about this: Are the girls who tell you how fat you are either prettier, dress better, are smarter or as loved as much as you are? I've figured, the people who talk so badly about you and belittle you as much as possible are the ones who are intimidated by you or your life in some way..

Not to brag, but I know for a fact I am not bad looking, so girls try by all means to break me and my self esteem down to make themselves feel better. I find it so sad. What happened to intergrity, compassion and general love for our fellow sisters? Why do we try so hard to be on top that we crumble others in the process? Life hey....

And the most annoying thing ever, is that even though I know I'm not this ugly, fat beast, all the negative things said to me get me down and insecure because, well, I'm human. And the mere thought of being unattractive frightens me.

Dont get ne wrong, I'm a very confident person but sometimes, my insecurities get more better of me and well, I break down and start comparing myself to models and actresses. And that, ladies, is the first wrong step we all take.

What causes such insecuties though?
-A society so utterly blinded by the media and what their idea is of ''a perfect woman'', they fail to appreciate a real woman.
Not everyone is a size 2. Some of us are just naturally curvy and thick.

Not everyone can survive on seeds and muesli. Some of us enjoy a juicy piece of steak, a cheesy burger or the thickest slice of pizza and a large chocolate milkshake.

My point is, we are all so different yet extremely beautiful in our very own unique way.
You don't have to be a size 2 to be fabulous.

My advice to you? 

Rock the cutest pair of heels you own, put a bit of eyeliner on, grab a purse and GO OUT!

Have fun! Eat as much as you want, then, go up to that mean b*tch and shove a pretzel down her throat!

(Ok, maybe that is a bit absurd. Evevn though I know we're all dying to do it, Lets NOT. Thats what I'm telling you to do though. I've never been quite ''normal'' so, I'm sure I'm bound to try it one day.)

But on the real, no one can love you more than you can love yourself. So instead go to gym, eat healthier, but NOT for cause that mean b*tch thinks you should. But cause you love you. And you want to live a long, healthy, stylish life :).. (you should certainly enjoy a King Steer burger at least once a week though!).

And most of all, dont't forget to rock a sexy outfit every once in a while.

You're never too big to look hot!

Lastly, be confident and be yourself!

       *You're a woman. You are not photoshopped. You are eral. You are beauitul and You are loved*

- I hope some one out there takes my advice and finds light in my words because I know. its hard.

  I'm yet to learn to listen to my own advice and see mself through the eyes of the people who love me....

Lots of love,
Sikoh**

So, Hip hop neh? A very controversial topic. Everyone has their own particular views on the artists and the genre in general. But, in the end, it all adds up to us all acknowledging and appreciating this very popular and loved genre.

In the last few months, I was fortunate enough to meet a young gentleman by the name of Siyathokoza Ngobese. Now, Siya is a hella hiphop and fashion head. And his views and knowledge were so deep and frankly, he put me on! I learnt quite a lot during my time with him and so, I thought I should share it with my readers. So nami I shall put you guys on from the memories I have from the convo's with Siya that led to a few conclusions on hiphop and generally, the artists.

Firstly neh, there are different types of artists. You get commercial rappers (those that I call "bubblegum" rappers) like Nicki Minaj, Souljah Boy, Tyga, Gucci Mane and Travis Porter. But yes, I still love 'em too!

These artists produce mainly dance tracks, like, the cool swagged up kinda music. They don't always have meaning or make you reflect on life much. Unless you regard your life in a Barbie's view*

Then you get the rappers with depth, a story to tell in their music. Like, Kendrick Lamar, J.Cole, Wale, Childish Gambino, Tupac and most would add Drake onto the list.

There are many other rappers who make music that is just powerful. Their lyrical flow, the rhyme scheme and the basic intellectual behind a verse. I call 'em 'Smart Rappers'. Examples include Kanye West, JayZ, Slaughterhouse and Lil Wayne....

We all love listening to their tracks and some tracks are inspirational even.

I rate their all very talented artists. Whether at making us think, relate to a track, bop to 'em in a car or dougie in a club. They make music nonetheless..

**Artists that I've noticed I've been sleeping on and have learnt to love include; Asher Roth, Kirko Bangz, Meek Mill, Fabolous, Waka Flocka, Pusha T and Tyler The Creator (some may not agree with his context but his flow is sick and out of this world!)

**Local Rappers I absolutely love are; PDot O, Spoek Mathambo, Kapital K, Dotcom, DaKid X and Flex Boogie.

 This "Cocoa b*tch" aint fake!!

Ok, so I havent blogged in a long time hey. And well, I have no excuse. I've just been lazy. So, i'm back! Because, think about this, my passion fro writing, fashion and music won't just vanish. My blog is the starting point of voicing my views and I've never been one to keep quiet.. :)
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One night, during a long phone call with a good friend of mine, Giyani, he asked how the blogs been. After confessing how I've been slacking, he said something that we both laughed about but it made a point. He said, "Now people are gonna think 'this cocoa bitch is fake' ". LOL.. Well, we dont want that now, do we?

S/O to Giyani "Hoax/Jay" Ngcobo Ngcamu (such a mouthful!)..

I'm back, Carrot. :)